Pissing in Public

So I was thinking today about pissing in public, and how I have ridiculously strange issues with it. I probably have some sort of complex or something, that's for sure.

But seriously, am I the only one who considers the following quandary one of the most challenging parts of my day? You walk into a public restroom; there are four urinals. One man takes the far left urinal, another has occupied the far right, leaving only the two middles for you to choose. Where do you go? Is it considered a compliment, or an come-on to pick one? If I choose one of them, am I saying that the man I chose to spend my "moment" next to is easily approachable, or probably gay? When faced with a moral issue like this, I go to the stall like I'm afraid to pee next to other dudes, and those guys forever think I'm socially retarded.

And then there's the trough issue. Do you know what kind of public restrooms have troughs? Extremely busy ones. Well, it makes sense I suppose, since they get the most traffic you want to maximize your space. But do you know what that means? Thirty guys, bumping shoulders as they piss. Seriously, it's uncomfortable. Then there's always a line of people right behind everyone, waiting for someone to squeeze away from the golden river. How am I supposed to piss with a guy who smells like weed and cheap cologne six inches behind me, breathing down my neck?

I've always imagined those extremely busy bathrooms, like the ones at baseball games, are like a sort of human fountain. You've got people of all races and sizes, arcing they're streams over and under and all around, shooting over heads, dodging between knees, bouncing off the mirrors. It's sort of magical, I guess.